It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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