Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
