i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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