sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
