I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize