Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He felt like a one man threesome
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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