She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
