She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
