They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ttyl tear gas
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
