If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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