Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
