I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
