you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
