I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize