You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
