smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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