Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
