I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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