My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize