she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You made out with two different species that night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
