remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
