I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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