I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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