just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
