She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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