the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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