I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
