i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
