i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
