I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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