I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize