nut hugger
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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