Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
