i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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