I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
