people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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