My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
