oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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