you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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