They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
