It's like a parade of train wrecks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
