He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
