Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
