...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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