im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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