That's intense
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
