I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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