Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
