he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
