my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize