I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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