turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
