sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
