I want to stick my p in your. b.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
