I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize