Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize