So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
NoShamevember. You game?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
