you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
