trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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