around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
