The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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