Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
