Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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