Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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