i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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