walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
