My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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