you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
