he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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