He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
