If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
