You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
