Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
