He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
