Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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