I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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